Pedicure Madness

This is for all my pregnant friends out there:

When attempting to give yourself a pedicure in your third trimester please follow these simple rules:
1) Make sure to supply yourself with ample time - i.e. ten minutes per toenail.
2) Stretch first.
2b) Make certain you are alone. This will be an embarrassing display not suitable to any audience, young or old.
3) Stretch again, and be sure that your yoga skills are honed and ready.
4) Collect all supplies BEFORE you start, thus eliminating the need to curl yourself out of said yoga pose and off the floor in order to obtain, say, the nail polish.
5) Readjust the time necessary to complete the project as you discover that the time needed is directly proportional to your ability to throw your foot behind your head and around your neck in a bid to see your pinky toenail at all.
6) When painting with nail polish "blind" remember that if you can feel the brush, you are probably painting skin.
7) Don't worry, polish on skin is easily removed by kind husbands at a later date.
and 8) Remember this isn't meant to be relaxing. This is exercise. It will burn, it will pain you, and it will be uncomfortable. But take heart, the project can't last forever, and in reality, since you can't see your toes anyway, who cares what they look like in the end!